The Life And Times Of Karkat Fucking Vantas (CH.1)

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS
_{By Lynx-AwesomeAsToast/DifferentlyLynx
(lynxiebear.tumblr.com)}

A homestuck a.u.
(homestuck is owned by andrew hussie)

Chapter One


The sun is shining full blast into your bedroom, bouncing off every shiny object and even making your close-lidded eyes burn.

You groan and roll over, grumbling to your pillow as you bury your face in it. It's clear you're not a morning person.

It's got to be 150 degrees in this apartment and you're regretting sleeping in your full P.J. attire but you can't help that you're a self conscious little fuck. You groan and reach around on your crowded bed for your phone but your hand smacks the face of a dog, which whimpers.

Lord, you hate that dog. You shove him off the bed and he whimpers again before racing out of the bedroom. Good. Little motherfucker needs to know his place.

You finally find your phone among the various pairs of underwear, headphones and Red Bull cans and flip it open to find several new messages from one of our best bros.

Either way, you sigh as you see the time, which happens to be a bit earlier than your usual wake up time.

You roll onto your back, checking through your messages. You glance at one name on the lit screen, remember a dream from last night and turn the brightest shade of red your pale Irish face allows you to.

You fling your poor Samsung onto the pillow next to you and groan in embarrassment, covering your face with your hands. *Bad brain*, you yell at it mentally, *stupid, sexual-infused, hormone-infected brain!*

You pause your profanity, as your bedroom door is slammed open and a little devil monster scrambles inside.

"'Kat, 'kat, 'kat, 'kat!" your baby bro chants as he teeters wildly on chubby 5 year old legs to your bed, dragging his blanky along. He tugs on your bed sheets, "'Kat, 'kat, 'kat!!" he's too young to say your whole name and he's too adorable to be mad at, so you sigh and sit up, picking him up and plopping him on your lap.

He giggles at your wild bed hair and tugs on your ears. "What do you need, Xam?" you ask him and he grins. "'Kat, momma says wakey up!" he then slips out of your hands, grabs his blanky and runs back out of the room.

You chuckle a bit and stand, stretching as you stumble to your closet.

You slap the on button on your radio and grimace at the pop songs as you undress. But whatever, Rihanna stays on as you slip into new boxers and fumble around for deodorant.

Then you get dressed; gray skinnies because why the fuck not and then a regular black Creature Feature band tee because they're creepy and that's fucking rad.

You don't bother combing your dark hair because that's a lost cause. You grab socks and pass by your mirror as you navigate through your dirty room.

It's a wonder how pale you are, considering how you almost never put on sunscreen. Plus its New York in the middle of June, like shit man.

You stuff needed supplies into your backpack, remembering to bring a pencil for once. You have no idea how many times you've had to ask another student for one. Which is bad for your stereotypical teen antisocial behavior.

You pad down the hall to the bathroom, shutting the door so you can piss. Halfway through, the door opens and there's a shriek before it slams shut again. You sigh as you zip back up, hearing the screams of "Ew" as you wash your hands.

"MOOOOOM, I SAW KARKAT'S-" You slam open the door, yelling back, "SHE OPENED THE DOOR OKAY! IT'S NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT!" You storm into the kitchen after you stupid 9 year old sister, growling at her as she whines, hiding behind the lady she calls mom.

Xam and Zana are your stepsiblings, while MamaD is your stepmother. Your father, called Crabdad by everyone everywhere, married her countless years ago, back when you were six. They, as far as you know, are still madly in love.

"Karkat," Crabdad starts in that parent tone. You groan and sit on a stool at the kitchen's island, gobbling up a couple strawberries. "Why don't you ever use the lock? I'm sure no one wants to see your... private parts."

Well thanks dad. Great scolding you have there. You glare at your goofy father as he pours some cereal for Xam on his high chair. "You and Ma broke it," you state, "while you both were having yet another bout of rough se-"

"KARKAT!!" you smirk, grab Zana's bagel and your stuff, running out the door, leaving the apartment in chaos as Zana shrieks and Xam begins to cry at all the yelling.

The Brooklyn air is nice on your face as you pause and tie up your black cons, gulping down the bagel and swallowing a couple tic tacs so your breath doesn't smell like Gamzee after PE. Speaking of PE, you should hurry.

You rush down the stairs, taking them two at a time as you pull out your iPod and headphones, flipping to your most recent playlist and turning up the volume as you reach the bottom of the stairs and exit the outside apartment stairs.

You go up a block, almost bumping into a few early rising tourists as you pass by the local grocery stop, nodding good morning to the old lady who's sweeping outside. She smiles and you continue down Hoyt, passing a few shops until you reach Atlantic.

You make your way past the shops and stores, weaving along throngs of people coming from Court Street, until you reach Court Street yourself.

You head up Court Street, all the way to the subway station, flipping out your Metro Card, you descend underground and enter the station, heading for the train that'll lead you to Manhattan. Free teenagers weave in and out of the tourists and adults in business suits on the station.

You envy them. They don't have to go to summer school and here you are, waking up early to go to your stupid high school just because you failed English. You knew that bitch of a teacher would fail you the moment you walked into her classroom in junior year.

And thanks to her, you're spending the summer of junior-to-senior year not hanging out at the Strand or the skate park or…Uhm maybe playing video games or…

Okay's let's just face it. You had nowhere to be this summer. Even Sollux's idea of going to the Jersey Shore to check out girls seemed uninteresting to you. Especially since the idea was only brought up to get you laid.

You doubt that the girl of your dreams is down on the Shore waiting for a weirdly self-conscious shrimp like you to lose her virginity to.

You step onto the subway and find a seat, the music pounding in your ears as the train takes off. In your head, you're going along with the train, counting off with each stop. Borough Hall, Bowling Green, each transfer line kinda fascinates you as well.

You wonder about Gamzee out on 5th Avenue. His dad is surely giving him shit about failing every single class… You wouldn't expect his rich father to understand Gamz. But people rarely do.

His pa has misunderstood the tall juggalo ever since his mom left. And you can't help but feel bad for him, out in his too-big-for-two-people, modern flat in the richest part of Manhattan.

The train stops at Times Square and you quickly jump off the train, almost knocking into another passenger getting off with you.

"Sorry." You mumble and she freezes, opening her mouth to say something. You don't realize and continue to leave, not noticing as she stares after you.

You push through some businessmen as you step out into the humid summer air of Manhattan, and with Odd Future wreaking havoc on your eardrums, you quicken your pace, heading straight for Central Park.

You pass a group of older boys who grimace and jeer at you but you ignore them and continue on the street across from the park.

Finally you reach the front doors of your deadbeat high school right across from the most boring part of Central Park. You step under the arch bearing the title of the school and into the deserted stone courtyard.

Typically you would see various students of all groups around the four pillars and up on the open courtyard second floor, but now it's all deserted.

You pull the earbuds out of your ears and walk forward to the main door flanked by two courtyard staircases. There's a screech of shoes on a gym court and suddenly a hard ass motherfucking basketball slams you in the side of the head, "FUUUCK!" You grab the side of your head, groaning as the basketball bounces at your feet.

In a burst of anger, you kick the fucking ball with your toe, and just because God fucking hates you, it bounces off a pillar and slams you in the gut.

You topple over with another groan and lay there, sprawled out in pain.

"O-ohmygosh, are you okay?" A girl, amusement written all over her face, leans into your field of vision. She's pretty cute, with tan skin, medium-ish light brown hair tied back into a high ponytail and bright green eyes but you don't care about that.

You rub your poor head and sit up, wincing.

"I'm fine," You snap, "Thanks for hitting me with a goddamn basketball." She giggles, which you narrow your eyes at. You grab your stuff and stand, dusting off your jeans. She blinks rapidly and bites her lip. "I don't think you remember me but-"

You don't hear anymore of her words because right then, the girl of your dreams steps out of the double doors a couple feet away from you. Your heart aches as she smiles wickedly and races forward at you.

Instead of a cute hug or a passionate kiss you so long for, you mentally sigh as she buries her fist into your stomach with a cry of "Karrrrkles!~"

You double over in pain, which allows the 5'6 beauty to lean on you with her elbow. Ignoring your groans of pain, she grins at the chick that hit you with the basketball. "Oh hey Nepeta!" She cackles and you can't help it as your heart warms just a bit.

Your eyes look up and down her lower half, as that's all you can see from this bent over angle. Yellow neon flats, rainbow stripe tights and a tight red skirt, her curvy hips fitting that skirt nicely.

Racy thoughts run through your mind and it's hard to swallow the lust away as you push against her arm and stand up.

"The hell was that for?" You snap at the short girl. She cackles again, those red shades framing her almost clear blue eyes. "Oh Karkles! It's basic greeting, of course. Hehehe!" She grins and you feel a bit lightheaded. "You're ridiculous."

You've forgotten all about the other girl, whose hands clench that basketball tightly. She hears the affection in your voice and you don't even turn to her as she walks away.

In seconds, you've being led down the main hallway. "So where's Sollux and Gamz and them?" You ask, as you pad down the hallway.

"Captor's supposed to be here? Whaaat?" comes the response. You chuckle, smirking, "Yeah Terezi. 'Cept he's a tutor, not stupid like the rest of us."

She whirls around, pointing her finger right at your chest. "Karkat, are you calling me dumb?!" Her pretty dark medium length hair bounces a bit and her cute lips are pursed in a pout. God, those lips-

"No, Terez', just saying." You reach around her and open the detention room door, backing her up into the room using those two (almost three!) inches you have on her.

There's a bunch of other students you don't care about in the room, all of them waiting for a teacher to come in with the schedules. Terezi lightly grabs onto your arm, so she doesn't fall over, and holds it closer as a burst of students rush by.

You frown despite the butterflies. "You okay?" You quietly ask her.

She nods, "Yeah. Just blind, don't you remember? How insensitive of you!"

How could you forget? You've been by Terezi's side since you both met in elementary school; she's one of your very best friends. When she was declared legally blind, it was a shock for everyone.

You knew she couldn't see well, just blurry objects that rarely came into clear view but at the time, you had always thought that was normal. Well, apparently not.

You brush off her remark on insensitivity and lead her to the back of the room when- "Kar!" A heavy weight is flung around your shoulders, and Terezi's too, as a wild face pokes out between you two with a goofy grin.

"What's motherfucking going on, bro and sis?" Gamzee exclaims, catching everyone's attention.

6'5, 17 and one of the most popular guys in the entire school, its hard not to know Gamzee Makara; everyone loves him, even teachers. And as if it was a good added bonus, he's a hugger.

You shake off his arm, Terezi cackling from under Gamzee's other arm. "Get off, you big oaf," You growl; grabbing his ear and pulling him down by it, "You'll kill someone with your fucking size."

Gamzee whines, flailing his arms, Terezi continuing her giggling. "I'm sorry, Mooooom!" he whines and you smirk, letting his ear go.

With his long arms around tiny Terezi's shoulders, he pouts and you roll your eyes, smirking. "Well since I'm obviously your mother," you point to his shorts, "pull those up!"

Gamzee's eyes bulge. "They're barely motherfucking sagging! C'mooon!" He pulls them up anyways and collapses into a school desk, his limbs almost too big to fit in the desk-chair combo.

Terezi plops down on Gamzee's left and you sit backwards in the desk in front of her, watching as Gamzee chugs one of those obscene sodas of his.

You know nothing about these sodas, only that they're found in a small deli in Bayridge and can be found nowhere else in New York.

A couple of girls blush as they pass by, Gamz paying no attention. Gamzee, with his light African skin and sandy colored hair, has always been a lady-killer, and yet hasn't dated a single person since…well, ever.

Like Terezi, you've known Gamzee since childhood and he's been another of your long term and closest friends. And despite the fact every teacher, even Mr. Spade, likes him, he failed every single class, except PE.

Terezi, on the other hand, just failed Algebra, which you find ridiculous because any kind of mathematics is fucking easy. At least, you think so.

Oh! That reminds you. You rummage through your bag and pull out a card from MamaD and Crabdad, handing it to Terezi, "They say happy early birthday." Terezi grins and snatches it from you, sniffing it before tucking it in your bag.

You open your mouth to comment on her sniffing when a book slams on Terezi's desk, followed by a hand on top of it. Platinum long blond hair with blue highlights everywhere alerted you to Vriska Sekret If the ugly sneer on an otherwise attractive face did not.

The hand on the textbook curls its long spiderlike fingers, complete with freshly painted blue nails as she glares at Gamzee.

She's an inch and a half taller than you, one of the most attractive girls in school and made of pure evil.

She's not here because of failed classes, she's here for the summer long detention given to her because she almost murdered Tavros Nitram, a sophomore a year younger than you.

The only reason she's still in this school at all is because her mother is the principal and she didn't really kill that sophomore, just paralyzed him for the rest of his life. Lovely, isn't she?

You hold yourself from growling at the big bitch in front of you but you can't help but notice how odd Gamzee took Vriska's entrance.

He had almost spit soda all over himself but after swallowing hard, he slowly put the soda bottle down and looked back at her, tense. "We need to talk, Makara." Vriska snaps and he stands, not responding but following her to the door.

Together, they turn a few heads; Vriska with her hipster clothes and glasses, her height, as said by some people, complimenting Gamzee's quite nicely.

You frown at the thought of them as a couple. "That Austrian slut." Terezi comments and you almost laugh.

You lean back. "That's no way to treat your stepsister, Pyrope." You remark and she glares at you. You kinda feel a bit guilty for that. "She's not my stepsister!" She snaps, "Her mom just happens to be fucking my dad and they just happen to be living with us…"

You open your mouth to apologize, or at least say something at all but you're cut off again by a ball of paper hitting, with surprising force, in the back of the head.

"GODDAMNIT," you roar as you spin around, fist raised, "who in the bloody hell-" Sollux guffaws, leaning on Kanaya next to him, whose not really happy at the physical contact, as he laughs his ass off.

You growl at him, "What the hell, Sol?" He ends off with a chuckle and smirks at you.

"You didn't anthwer my meththageth, KK. Tho that'th what you get." He answers, his heavy lisp never failing to amuse you. Who in their right mind wears braces at 17? Fucking embarrassin'.

Either way, the 6'3 junior leans against the back wall, Kanaya settling down daintily in the chair-desk previously inhabited by Gamzee.

"I fell asleep." You lie easily, knowing very well you had no intention of responding to those texts. He narrows his eyes behind his horizontal oval glasses, but is momentarily occupied as a girl comes up to him.

Kanaya turns to Terezi, smiling. "Hello Terezi," Kanaya says, "I, however clashing your outfit may be, adore that teal tee shirt of yours." Terezi grins toothily and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, responding back to Kanaya's compliment.

You zone out on their words and focus on Terezi, how her picture perfect skin is so smooth, how her face is cutely dotted with a few freckles, how that tee shirt frames her no-doubt sexy rack.

You drop your head onto the back of the chair, your face burning red at your thoughts. God, your brain hates you, doesn't it?!

"Karkat, are you alright?" Kanaya asks and you wave her off. "Fine." You bark, voice raspy. You glance up, meeting Sollux's prying eyes. He raises his eyebrows and you shake your head just a bit and he nods.

Sollux slides off the wall and touches the back of Terezi's chair, grinning. "Do y'guyth wanna go to Aurthor'th after diththmithal?"

"Fuck yes!" You instantly perk up. Damn, you are in the mood for pie. Or bagels, or both. Kanaya nods, "Yes, I do believe I'm free this afternoon."

Terezi pauses, thinking. "I'm…I'm sure Poppa will let me, so me too." She grins and you grin too, staring straight at her. "By the way you're thtaring at her, KK," Sollux smirks and your eyes go wide, "it theemth you wanna fu-"

"NO!" You slam your palm into his face as you stand up, trying to push him back in panic, only to have him push back using his face.

Kanaya looks up at you guys in bewilderment as Terezi looks straight with a frown. "Who were you staring at, Karkles?" You almost bite your tongue off in embarrassment, turning a very bright red.

"I…I…" you stutter, but suddenly, almost as if, for once, you were lucky, Ms. Snowman steps into the room with Vriska and Gamzee trailing behind. The room goes quiet as the oddly attractive woman stares at everyone.

Then, "Sit." Everyone almost instantly settles down.

You pull back from Sollux and plop down in your chair, Sol sitting in front of Kanaya, next to you. You flare at him and he smirks back at you.

You hold back the need to grow at him and turn to the front as your principal passed out schedules filed by last name.

The tall platinum blond woman looks almost like the grim reaper, but a fashionable one. For all the times you've seen her, she has been dressed in the darkest shade of black, contrasting her pale skin to the point where she almost seems pure white.

She scares the living daylights out of you, and almost every student at the ragtag prison called high school she runs.
Of course, except Vriska and Terezi. Vriska and Ms. Snowman were obviously related, same blond hair, same ice blue eyes and tall gene. But Vriska had gone "wild", as parents called it.

She died some hair different shades of blue, tanned her skin, pierced most of the space on her ears and her nose and tongue and did, in fact, sleep around, following in her mom's footsteps on that part.

She was fearless and didn't follow anyone's rules. She took her father's name, a man from one of Snowman's previous marriages and swore on her life to never be anything like her mother.

She even wore fake lenses-changing glasses to try and hide her eyes.

Terezi, on the other hand, despised Snowman's efforts to try and be her mother and that Snowman was sleeping with her father, Mr. Pyrope.

You were slightly disgusted at that part but paused your thinking as your schedule was passed over to you.

Good Lord, this was worse then your recent school schedule. You groan and slam your head on the desk, resting it there. From the corner of your eye, you can see Sollux smirk and fold his arms behind his head, leaning back with a sly look in his eyes.

You're guessing he's got a good list of students to tutor, that smartass prick. You glance over at Kanaya, who sits neatly at her desk, no schedule for her because she's got perfect grades.

She's only here because she's the head student of the art, fashion, architecture and design apartment, since she's so fucking creative. You aren't that bad at art yourself but you're definitely not going to pursue it in life, even though you like it a lot.

You twirl your schedule in one of your hands as you prop your chin up with the other, tuning into Ms. Snowman's words.

"-I do hope that together, with your each respective schedules, you can improve in your studies and, ultimately, your grades," She looks over the room with icy eyes, "As for the tutors, I wish you great luck as you start to help your fellow peers in improving to reach your high and impressive grade level. Lunch will be at 12:15 in the cafeteria. Please be on your very best behavior." She nods curtly and on high black heels, strides gracefully from the room.

The room bursts into the screeching of chairs, clacking of desks and bags and chattering as students converse and hurry to pack up and leave.

You stand, slinging your bag over one shoulder and turning to face Terezi and the others.

"So what do your schedules look like?" You ask and Terezi glances up at you, handing her paper over. "Read it aloud, Karkles." She demands but you don't mind and glance over it.

"History Review, Free Research and then PE before lunch." You read off, smiling at PE and Free Research since those are the same periods you have, "then Algebra after lunch, then dismissal."

She sniffs and takes the paper back, folding it up, "What about you?"

"We got PE and Free Research together but otherwise I have Art and English." You state and she nods, grinning. Sollux glances through his schedule again and nudges you.

"So I guess we've got last period together, huh bessssst buddy?" You groan and he smirks, throwing his arm over your shoulders and leaning all his weight on you.

You struggle under his weight but address Kanaya, coughing a bit. "So- god, Sol – what about you, Kan?" She pauses her fiddling with her shoulder bag and brushes off her black dress.

"I'll be in the art room all day, however I do have Free Research with Terezi." Kanaya replies, smiling.

That means art with Kanaya, and you don't mind that at all. "Great," you grin, finally throwing off Sollux, "guess I'll see you in Art after I drop Terezi off."

Sollux raises an eyebrow, adjusting his messager bag. "You're walking her all the way over there?" He asks, dumbfounded. Kanaya jabs him in the arm and you nod. "Yeah, so I guess we should get a head start. Let's go, Terezi."